have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
