And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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