remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
