saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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