can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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