Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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