i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
