only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
