I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
The power of my boobs compel you
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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