I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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