My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
We smell like vodka and hangover
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