And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
