i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
The dick lei will go down in squad history
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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