I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
