you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
