So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
