I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
