Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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