I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
