I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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