Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
