Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
