sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
