just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
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