Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Randomize
