I bet he comes in French.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
