There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
