Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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