why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
