I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
