So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
