He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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