tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
