Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
