He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
