Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
