Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Randomize
