Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
