remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
