Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
