she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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