this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
