i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
