then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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