The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Randomize
