we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
