She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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