i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
