well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I'm passing your future prison.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
