i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
there's paper in my vomit.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
