My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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