Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
